Learn to satisfy your own needs first
It’s not selfish; only when we’re doing our best to make the most of ourselves, can we effectively help or interact with others. To wait passively for something to happen that will raise our self-esteem, or someone to rescue us from our lonliness, is to sentence ourselves to frustration.
Develop an Internal Point of Control
A person with an internal point of control puts the responsibility for how s/he feels on their own shoulders. A person with an external point of control blames others, life, God, etc., and doesn’t accept responsibility. Most of us are a mix of both, but it’s been shown that people with more of an internal point of control are generally happier people.
The habit of blaming contributes to a feeling of helplessness because we give away our personal power. We’re essentially saying “I can’t move forward with my life because you did____to me.” It’s a hard habit to break out of because it’s so automatic, but accepting ownership of our problems is the beginning of the healing process. Sometimes blame is appropriate, but it can turn into a bad habit. Every problem is our problem, regardless of who is responsible.
Everyone is Your Equal
Make your opinions matter more to you than other peoples. As psychiatrist Karen Horney stated “The backbone of all neurosis is making other peoples opinions more important than your own.” Stop giving your power away. You know what’s right for you better than anyone.
Overcome the Need to Manipulate
Emotional dependency is disrespectful to yourself. If you’re capable of doing something yourself, do it.
~ Larry Cerrato