We train our children whom we love so much the same way we train any domesticated animal: with a system of punishment and reward. When we went against the rules, we were punished; when we went along with the rules we got a reward. Soon we became afraid of being punished and also afraid of not receiving the reward. The reward is the attention we get from others. We soon develop a need to hook other people's attention to get the reward.
With that fear of being punished and that fear of not getting the reward, we start pretending to be what we are not, just to please others, just to be good enough for someone else. We are afraid of being rejected. The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good enough. Eventually we become someone we are not.