Thursday, April 28, 2011


The beginning and end are set. What's in between is yours. Nothing is in vain, all is remembered. - Tyriel

I drew this rune today. Though denoting the P sound, the name "Peorð" is not comprehensible from Old English. Its actual meaning is not known. Nonetheless, it is said to be the rune of chance, gambling, Wyrd, fate, and unexpected outcomes.

Based on this, I see it as the rune of the mystery of life: you don't really know what's going to happen until you take a chance -- something I often remind myself of yet resist in the name of being sensible. I can't lose if I don't play, but I can't win either. Life seems to be a constant battle between these two forces, held in balance by walking a tightrope of opposing desires.

Frankly, I'm getting tired of this act. I'd rather drop everything today and go jump out of an airplane. THAT'S when you know you're really alive! But afterward of course it's back to the pointless, soul-sucking job that makes such an experience possible. WTF? I want to do work I enjoy.

Since I never really had the college experience, I'd like the opportunity to make discoveries of those subjects that are presently hidden from me. A lot of college-educated people say college is bullshit, that I don't need this type of experience, and I get that. But each of us is nurtured in different ways. College is no guarantee of anything, but for me going to class is its own reward. I'd rather be interacting with other humans learning things than sitting at home in front of a computer "getting a degree." I also perform better when there are assignments, deadlines, and a need for discipline which I struggle to impose upon myself. Though to my credit, I have been very good about going to the gym lately, and intend to keep that momentum going.

I would love to have the money to quit my job and be a full time student. I would live in either California or New Mexico. When I wasn't studying, I'd be going to the gym and paragliding. I wouldn't mind cranking out some kick ass guitar riffs again too. Seeing Sacred Reich reminded me of my former excellence. Though I'm not playing music these days, thrash metal will always be one of the most important pieces of my soul. I wouldn't be the person I am or have the friends I do without it. I'd also like to have the money to return to awesome places such as Iceland, for weeks or months at a time, sharing its intense splendor with those who already have the heart for it. This is the type of life I'd like to be living.

People have long criticized me for being "idealistic," as if there's something wrong with it, but my question is, "Why aren't you?" Existence should be poetic, majestic, epic -- a place where each human is a hero. The energy within us is meant to step into the real world and experiences its own sense of mastery and fulfillment. 

That is my wish for all people.