Friday, March 19, 2010

Crestfallen

I don't understand this life. I felt so great this morning and now I feel terrible. There's no cause, no reason, just more invisible shit tearing me down. What the fuck? This whole being human thing is something I don't even have words for anymore. This existence is just going to kill all of us anyway. What's the point? Like how much of a difference is any of us really going to make in the end? We live, we die. We turn a few laps around the sun and check out. Great. Nice plan. What is this place, this life, this whatever the fuck we're all doing here? Who am I? I feel no self, only a heartwrenching loss of it. Why? There's never an answer. You can scream into the void all you want. You won't hear an echo. I'm surrounded by so much bullshit I can barely hear myself think. And there's nowhere to go except back into the living hell of people so sure of themselves, so certain of the answers and how things are going to be. Yeah, sure. We're blind to our own blindness. It's an impossible situation, loving a planet and a life that's so fucked up. I should have just swallowed the most convenient lie right out of high school and got myself killed in some stupid war. That's the only thing humans are good at -- wasting ourselves, our world, and each other. The next time around I definitely won't be one again. It's been a neat experiment, but this place is insane. Who in their right mind would ever come here? My heart can barely stand it. Yet I would love nothing more than to embrace all of it with the full force of my entire being. Whatever. Enjoy the song. If you get the emotional content, then you get me -- trapped between two worlds and ripped apart by both.



"Your life is not your own... and as you were, you'll be again, to mold like clay, to break like dirt."